Moms are without a doubt, the most important people to keep out of depression. The hearts and minds of little souls are looking to their mother’s everyday for how to regulate their own well being. Much rests on the mental health of a mother, yet so many feel burn out and lost. How can stay at home moms avoid depression? Here are 6 major red flags to watch for in order to stay far from the toxic temptation- depression.
Red Flag #1: Comparison
Perhaps you imagined that at this point in your life you’d be somewhere…different. More than likely that “different” also happens to be “better”
Comparison is a life-sucker. The reality is we cannot change the past but we can embrace a “grateful attitude” and toward our lives to get our thinking out of that dark place.
Ground your days in measurable, personal wins
Did you show up with patience even if the day’s plan didn’t go perfectly?
Did your child feel safe or laugh today?
Did one of your kids feel seen, understood, or encouraged because of something you did?
Did you set an example for your kids on practicing optimism?
Did you worship Jesus with your whole heart, even if to you it feels weak?
Start lists filled with things that actually matter like the one above. We get to choose our values and we shouldn’t wait until it’s too late to realize what those are, and live with outwardly. Don’t let social media or a disappointed parent measure your life. Let God. He is fair, just, and merciful.
“Comparisons are odious.” — William Shakespeare: Much Ado About Nothing
When you stop comparing your life to the beautifully curated reels on TikTok, you’ll realize that true contentment comes from loving what you’ve been given, being grateful for each moment, and resting in the fact that what truly matters is always within reach.
Red Flag #2: Grass From The Past
Innocently reminiscing over your past and all it’s freedoms can escalate into a feeling of powerlessness.
As a stay at home mom, it can be difficult to simply leave the house. This is a huge adjustment many moms find extremely challenging to navigate. Children might start to feel like a ball and chain as we remember the good old days we once knew…
So what happened to the outgoing, youthful, and naturally spontaneous person you used to be? Know this- she is evolving. This doesn’t mean you’ve lost your edge. It means you’re maturing, and growing past the surface and shallow aspects of who you were.
Life might not be as fast paced, but it should be getting deeper, more intentional, and far more meaningful.
Part of falling back in love with life means embracing the one you have.
Take time to recognize how much you’ve evolved. Think deeply about how you’ve grown into a woman and the changes that has required. Changes that encourage a lifestyle of motherly affection and intentional living are ones to be celebrated, not regretted.
Make the life you possess romantic. Wear dresses, go for walks, schedule the dance class. Don’t give up on things that spark joy but integrate them into your life at home. Find your creative hobbies. Try YouTube ballet for beginners or start a blog! Many women who work full time jobs wish they had time at home like we do to explore those sides of themselves.
The reality is many of us don’t make the time because we don’t know how to try something new. Break up with your current routine if it’s making you miserable. Try new rhythms until you find one that makes weeks go by before you realize, “I’d rather just stay home…”
Red Flag #3: Slave Mentality
Having responsibilities are seen in today’s society as a hinderance to “living our best lives.” Do we subtly agree with the idea that being needed is somehow comparable to being someone’s slave?
Well, you are not your family’s slave. You are a queen in a castle that is honored to be a caregiver, teacher, and trainer in all things beautiful and lovely. Remove the cloud of distain for your duties and replace it with a regal sense of dignity.
Step one: Make your routine your servant.
Write down what your day to day entails. Is this structure serving your family in a way that, although repetitive, brings you satisfaction?
Examine your current routine, whether it’s one you follow by the book or loosely flow with. Do you incorporate times to be creative? Spend intentional time with your children? Penning in time to be alone is even possible, and most beneficial to moms of little ones.
Stay at home moms have so much freedom to create a beautiful life filled with intention for themselves and their family. Having a slave mentality is a major red flag for stay at home moms…beware of this one!
The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.
Robert Louis Stevenson
Red Flag #4: No Long Term Goals
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
C.S. Lewis
Playing piano, learning a new language, taking an online class of any kind, cultivating a garden, and crocheting a blanket are all examples of goals that take time. Red flag #4 for the stay at home mom is to have no long term goals like these, for herself.
In motherhood, we make millions of micro-decisions daily. We have tasks we know need completing and do them on repeat. Dishes, laundry, clean up, homework, repeat. After long periods of this routine, we can start to feel that our creative side is shoved in the closet like an unneeded garment.
Pull that thing out and try it on again. Creative expression accompanies motherhood in the most complimentary way. I remember my mother playing her piano and today it gives me the most nostalgic and fuzzy feeling inside. Our children will examine the happiness we exude as we do something difficult that takes effort and practice.
Long term goals that are worked at, even if for 20 minutes a day, will fulfill your need to have a hope and vision for the long term future. We know we will be scrambling eggs in the morning and reading stories at night, but what are we working toward that will evolve in the next 20 years?
Red Flag #5: Addicted to Phone Dopamine
It is the phone that causes so much unwarranted frustration toward our children. They become an interuption rather than the phone being in it’;s right place as that. Try long leaving your phone at your bedside for an entire day. For half the day. Journal how the days felt compared to one where it’s glued to your hand.
Stepping away from your phone is an act of self-care. Constant notifications, social media comparisons, and endless to-do lists are the wet blanket on the fire of creativity waiting to kindle inside of you. Once we place the phones FAR away for even a short time- we get to see just how much time we sacrifice into nothingness as we scroll our futures into oblivion.
Whether it’s connecting with your kids, enjoying a peaceful cup of tea, or simply breathing deeply, these are the romantic parts of life our phones rob us of.
Start using your phone for the tool is it, not the dictator it has become.
“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Red Flag #6: Guilt that kills
Mothers often feel guilt that they haven’t done enough because they carry a deep love for their children and a desire to give them the very best upbringing.
This guilt can stem from the unrealistic belief that worth is measured by performance. However, our’s and our children’s value is not based on works, but in our identity as children of God. We mothers must remember that God has entrusted us with this role, and His grace is sufficient to cover any of our shortcomings.
“…my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
It’s important to surrender feelings of inadequacy. Giving up our own hopes and plans for our children is the best thing we can do because suddenly, we will realize that His plans are better than our own.
God is big enough to make sure that each little day we live for Him is exactly what is needed for that day. Worrying about tomorrow will invite those heavy feelings of guilt which ultimately lead should-be-happy-moms into spiraling- unhappy-powerless ones.
Prioritizing quality time over endless checklists and celebrating small victories will shift your focus from what hasn’t been done to what truly matters. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community of fellow believers will also provide encouragement and perspective, reminding you that you’re not alone in this journey. Many Moms have been exactly where you are and are cheering you on from their vantage point of having finished their, “child rearing race.”
Ultimately, being a happy mom is not about perfection but about faithfulness, and God will honor our efforts as we lean on Him in every moment.
Staying mindful of these 6 major red flags will help us to guard our hearts and minds against the trap of depression. Remember, nurturing our health—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—enables us to better pour into the lives of our families and make us the happy moms we were created to be!
