This post is about my journey finding satisfaction and contentment in the Lord while I lived with a desire unfulfilled.
A house is a beautiful thing, and for most women it comes very naturally to cultivate warm and welcoming spaces. Proverbs says that a woman is like a fruitful vine in her home, making things productive and wonderful. This is a good thing. But do you know that your home isn’t inside the 4 walls of your dwelling place?
So here is a little story about my life…
Most of my married life has not been lived in my own house.
Yes, you read that correctly.
My husband and I have had the privilege of living with His parents as we saved up for our own home. Many times, we must sacrifice temporary pleasure for long term goals. (Such is life)
For us, living with my in laws meant we could save what we would have spent on rent. This was a huge blessing. But it didn’t come without it’s quirks. Deep down I knew I wanted a house over an apartment, but the sacrifice seemed so big at times. In the early parts of this process I struggled hard. I wanted to forget any/all long term goals to settle for what I wanted “right now.” But thankfully, I have a strong husband who would not cave. He could see farther down the road than I could at that point. Then, unexpectedly, as things often go with God, we moved half way across the country together as a family.
This meant even more patience would be required as we endeavored on this adventure together. A house of our own was put on hold. After a while, I started to become deeply dissatisfied with waiting.
At this time I was pregnant with baby number 2. I NEEDED a house to call home and to build for my family. I would dream of the meal plans, and the curtains, and even my own…”smell.” (You know how everyone’s house has its own “smell”?)
I started to believe my life had not and would not begin until I had my own house. All the while the Holy Spirit would give me little signs and encounters to show me that he was planning something for me. He saw what was coming and was getting me ready. But as time went on, my dream of a home kept getting postponed, making it more difficult to believe what the Holy Spirit had said was true. I knew something inside me had to change because I would go days just feeling sorry for myself. I would be in a horrible mood and treat everyone around me like it was their fault that I was miserable.
And then it hit me one day as I sought the Lord
I opened my bible to this….
:3 “As the sparrow finds herself a home and the swallow her nest, where she lays her young, [so my resting-place is] by your altars, ADONAI-Tzva’ot, my king and my God. 4 How happy are those who live in your house; they never cease to praise you! (Selah) 5 How happy the man whose strength is in you, in whose heart are [pilgrim] highways.”
Psalm 84
I had been getting it all wrong. My desire for a home was good. But I needed God’s definition of “Home.” Not only did so much click in this moment, but I was sweetly convicted.
I wasn’t happy. This verse clearly says that, “those who live in His house are happy.”
This was beyond freeing. I repented for trying to find my life and my home outside of Him. That day I made up my mind that I would trust God for my house but I would find my home in Him.
I just love how it says, “like a mother bird makes a nest for her babies (He knows the heart of a mother), so my resting place is by your alters.”
Where I build my “home”, my safe place, my resting place, my creative place…it will be in the laid down life I live for Him-at the alter.
God set my path
It was so beautiful realizing God had actually provided the way for me to walk this out. He put me on a path to find my true home in Him alone and separate my human need from my heavenly need. We sing things like, “Jesus is my all in all” but what do we do when expectations aren’t met? Disappointments occur? Or when He point blank asks us to lay something very big down? We find our all in Jesus, we become detached from anything the world might offer, and we become abundantly satisfied in Him. That is what we do.
In this psalm it also says, “in his heart are pilgrim highways.”
This becomes such a reality for those who choose to find their home in God. Jesus even said, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests but the Son of man has no place to lay his head.” (Luke 9:58)
When our home is in God, we will often feel like pilgrims with no final landing place. This is because if we are His, our real life is hidden in Him. (Colossians 3:3)
Becoming Un-rob-able
I am so thankful God is teaching me his definition of home. I know now that no bank can take it away, it wont diminish in value over time, thief’s cant come and steal what is in it, and ultimately it must be built on the Rock that is Jesus. And GOOD-NESS, when He said the winds and waves will come against it, He meant that. Our foundation will get tested and I can guarantee, the size and beauty of your physical house will not matter when that happens.
Now, remember when I said the Holy Spirit was giving me little clues as to what was coming? Well, it sure did come. Some of those testimonies are for another time, but my house did come. In fact, God actually showed me ahead of time what it would look like. He showed me through an encounter that he knew exactly what style of house I liked. He also showed a trusted friend that it would have green shutters and a green door. Lo and behold, the house we bought had green shutters and a green door.
God can transform us, fulfill us, change us into His image, and give us good gifts. That is who He is and we can trust Him with our future. He knows our desires and needs and promises to care for us. It’s our job to trust his leadership and timing, and to let Him change us in the process.
God knew I needed a long season of finding satisfaction in Him with my house desire unfulfilled. He knew that would prepare me to steward my house for His Kingdom purposes and not my own selfish ones. Everything He whispered during those times unfolded over time and truly I came to trust him as my teacher, counselor, comforter, and provider. I found my home so deeply in God that it ultimately didn’t matter if I ever got a house or not because I had Him.
We are free from need and lack in Christ
There is a pervasive culture today that influences us into thinking we need the newest and prettiest everything- from make up to home goods. Not only that, but the pace at which it evolves is too fast for anyone to keep up with. Thank God we can be completely detached from all of that. It is unspeakably more important for us to find our all in God. We must be free from striving and stressing over things that fade. There is a better Home waiting for us. Make your home in God. Build the atmosphere for you children around your relationship with God. Let them see that your life isn’t your own in a real and raw way. This will minister to them more than a redecorated playroom. Build your home at the alter and everything else will be “added unto you.”
From my home to yours, stay content Mamas.
